L E T (1) — Progression
— Author’s note on how to read this: This is a four-dimensional writing. The writer is ‘You’ (and its inflections); the reader is ‘I’ (with inflections); God/Spirit/Our Father is ‘It/She/He’ (with inflections); things or reality is ‘They’ (with inflections); humanity is ‘We’ (and inflections). Any thing/object is ‘This/That/These/Those’ (and inflections). Let Me Understand It.
I have started from the base of life where there lies confusion; not confusion in the things I experienced, but in ‘my’ experience of them. This confusion, this lack of order was due to the consciousness where I was based. The earthly consciousness. Chaos presents as the only valid reality of them, and I had asked: Why are things so confused? There was discord all around. I saw people do things without agreement. No agreement in family, in school, in office, in religion, in society, in country, in the globe. Everyone did as they pleased, and it did not bring them to have as they desired. How would what portrayed to be their pleasure bring pain? Even more, why did everyone inflict this pain on me unnecessarily? Why could they not let me have what I pleased in peace? On occasions, I got what I wanted. But it was often after I had afflicted someone, which caused me pain within. I sought the light and desired to escape this darkness.
In the beginning of my search, I had found preliminary illumination. Just as a torch cannot light up an entire hall, I did not see the clarity of everything. But I saw enough of some things around me. The confusion was lifting. I could see the pathway to a fair degree. I still had great fears because at this level of my consciousness, I did find shadows cast by my very torch. This is my beginning of enlightened fear, unlike the deep, dark fear of the chaos. Where there I thought it was a chasm I was lost in. I had increased in my consciousness. I found my behaviour to be creating my consequences. Our behaviour created our consequences — so I understood at this level. Everything did I to make upright the behaviour, to compel me to change something in what I did. Yes, I thought I was only the sum total of my deeds. After a few days of success, I met with this challenge. My behaviour refused to change. This thing was locked in a cycle.
Further on my journey, I had entered into more light. I began to see the point that thought created reality; that there was no chaos at all. My consciousness saw revealed the secret that I, by what I thought, unfolded what I experienced. And so did we all. So do we all. Therefore, I took a step back from trying to force my behaviour to be altered. I rather focused on changing my thoughts. I reflected. I meditated. I watched closely the huge flux of thought I had harboured in the past, and realised this was enormous work to be done. How would I control all my thoughts every day for they are infinite every moment? I realised now from my gradual study and experience that my thoughts created things, that I caused all what I saw. This is moonlight for me, and it light up much of the way. But there was still darkness and I hoped it would be removed from my experience completely. Yes, there were occasions I saw them happened that I did not, so to speak, think of. True I had some initial success, and reflections on my experiences showed me it’s true that thoughts are and become things. Still, these bits I did not think consciously but happening were a bone stuck in my gorge. I desired true freedom. I desired truth.
Moving forward, I realised my feelings, not my thought alone nor solely, created my reality. My feelings dictated my attractions. If I thought a noble thought but felt terrible about it, I made the thought ignoble. An elated thought in a dispirited feeling brought far worse consequences than the harmony of thought and feelings. For the two could not walk together unless they agreed. Walking disjoint seemed to tear me apart. If I were gloomy when I thought gloom, it seemed better than that I was gloomy when I thought glee. This complication was my darkest night. For I did not know what to do. I knew it was true that my thoughts created reality. Yet, while I thought upwards, I did not feel upwards and my reality worsened. Not that the worsening was in conditions for the environment I now found around me was healthier and far more advanced than the environment I started in. But the worsening was in my state of being. I felt I lost control to nothing. This was far worse than my starting point of confusion, for there, I could manipulate things and people. I felt I lost power overnight, which I still exercised to a degree on my second stage of awakening. I felt I lost peace where my mental model hurt against my prolonged reality. This, I had in the earliest moments of my third stage of awakening. This was my darknest night and I said shamefully, ‘If only I could go back to my early days… It felt better with my control there than here and now.’ Though I said it, I wished never to return there. I wished ‘not my will but thy will be done.’ I knew it was still true somehow that ‘thoughts create things’, and was attempting to be as pure in thought as I could reach. After all, I understood none of impelling nor compelling my behaviour would solve the problem. I wanted this grim darkness to disappear as fast as possible. I found that my feeling was not agreed with me so easily.
I awoke now to an infinite power within me, that caused thought and made thought work for me. I read and felt this power in its dynamics. I could do anything with it; and I began attempting to do everything using it. I was making this power work for me, and wanted to do this forever. I was performing miracles in my world, and creating wonders for us. I healed and brought wealth and restored relationships. I truly used this power. This was magic. I felt like a star. In this feeling, I found myself making everything change, everything transform. Until resistance came and I was trying to change that. I put in effort on this power. I became so serious about making it do the resistance away. How could we resist me, and I would not change it? The great and mighty me? I did not confess this so openly, but I knew I felt that I was disconnected. Like It left me, the power. I wanted it to continue forever. I would do anything, just anything to have it back. I would do anything to have him giving me what I wanted and creating more magic for me. But it was not working. No amount of books I read would do it, although they relieved me that the light is going to shine through. So, I continued searching for even greater light.
This has been my progression until this stage. I started at the level of consciousness where was confusion, chaos and disorder in my understanding of things. Then I began to be mechanical, technical. I followed rules, protocols to order behaviour. Afterwards, I began to exercise my will to control my thoughts, with considerable success at first, it proved I needed to do more. Then, I expanded to watching my feelings. It felt good, attracted good. But it soon indicated that I should rise higher. Well, I realised very presently is a power that has brought all things into my experience, and I found I was using it unintentionally. Or that I could now use it to have everything, do everything, be everything I would like. But soon, I grew weary trying to use It. At this stage, there is one thing that had been consistent: the path of life is least resistance. Not least resistance to my ego which saw the confusion in early days, but least resistance to this power. Now, the progression has led me to releasing myself unto this power. For this is the only way forward. He Is the Way.
I must Let the Power work through me rather than for me. I must let me be the eternal dwelling place of the Power, and allow It to take over now. For now, I have worn out my ego, and it must go.
Via profectus est qui aperiat.